How To Save a Relationship, According to Expert
No matter how strong the relationship is, you are bound to encounter some rough patches along the way. These issues can manifest in a number of ways, including infidelity, a seemingly endless cycle of being on-again and off-again, a lack of fun between the sheets.
All of these examples (and countless more) can make you wonder both how to save a relationship that’s suffering and whether doing so is even the best course of action.
The good news is that experts say there are ways to determine if you have reason to stay around and that there are also strategies you can use to restore the health of your partnership, which is currently in trouble.
When it comes to preserving relationships, according to Google’s findings, people turn to their search engine for answers. In 2017, of all the relationship questions listed on Google, “How to Save a Relationship” ranked fifth in the top ten, so it’s definitely something that couples are curious or experimenting with.
keep reading in search of signs that the relationship is in trouble in the first place, and how to know when it should be abandoned is the best course of action, and then get tips on how to save a relationship and restore its healthy state.
How to know when to save a relationship & went to let go?
Although optimism still has a gold star, the truth is that not all relationships are supposed to be saved. Before deciding how you will proceed, it is important to know first whether your relationship is worth saving or whether it is better for you and your partner to separate.
There are a few key elements to consider when deciding whether or not to continue the relationship, and love is not one of them. “Love is obviously important, but it’s not enough,” says Laurel House, a dating and relationships coach.
If you ever feel psychologically or physically threatened, these are warning signs that you should not ignore, says Suzann Pileggi Pawelski, wellness consultant and co-author of Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love Lasts. Leaving the relationship is vital to your well-being and safety, and that of your children if you have any, in these situations.
It is also important to ensure that your partner supports your basic needs and values. If you feel that you are putting your core values and morals at risk, that’s another reason why leaving a relationship instead of trying to fix things is a better option for your overall health and happiness, Paulsky says.
And, of course, both partners must have the will to save the relationship. If a person has already checked mentally and emotionally and shows no desire to repair the relationship, then it is probably time to put an end to things.
Signs of a struggling relationship
Here are 9 signs that your relationship is at risk:
- You (or your partner) stop presenting yourself as your best self in the relationship.
- You (or your partner) find excuses for each other and hide the truth from your family and friends.
- You (or your partner) prefer to do anything other than spend time together.
- You make each other feel not good enough or unworthy.
- You sacrifice being true to yourself for the good of your partner and to avoid conflict.
- You do not like who you are when you’re with your partner.
- You (or your partner) lose out yourself in your relationship. You no longer have a sense of yourself.
- You have stopped engaging in activities that once brought you joy.
- You do not spend time with your friends.
How to save a relationship
So since the question ” how to save a relationship” is being asked a lot and is clearly on many people’s minds, here are 7 ways to save your relationship.
1. Work on yourselves as individuals first
In order to strengthen and save a relationship, both partners must do their own inner work. It is important that both individuals work on themselves and connect to their core values and strengths, says Pawelski.
Start curiously by creating an open space where you can both be honest with each other. Only then can you work together as a couple and try to make your relationship healthy and to strengthen it.
2. Fight better on
While it may seem counter-intuitive to fight if you are trying to heal and strengthen your relationship, House says that arguing can be a perfectly healthy thing to do. The key, she warns, is to do it the right way.
This seems like communicating in an open and honest way that will bring you closer together in exchange for lashing out at each other and blaming each other, which will only lead to further getting away.
3. Express gratitude for the little things
These are the smallest things that breathe new life into the relationship, House says.
Therefore, it is important to express your appreciation for the small things your partner does.
This can take shape in a number of ways, such as making coffee, taking out the trash, or sending you a sweet text message. And not just once in a while, but daily. House suggests making it a nocturnal ritual and saying thank you for a small thing you each did that day.
4. Savor your time together
Recognizing and really enjoying the time you spend with your partner and not taking it for granted is another strategy that can help save a relationship.
And not only big moments, such as vacations or birthdays, but also all the small everyday moments, like watching TV together or preparing dinner at home. Be perfectly present and soak up that good time.
5. Do monthly check-ins
Relationships require maintenance, which is why regular check-ins can be useful. To do this, House suggests sitting together for a quiet and honest conversation about how your relationship works. Cover all areas, such as communication, intimacy, finance, and parenting.
By addressing potential problems from the beginning, you are able to solve them before they break you and at the same time expand and deepen your true emotional intimacy and connection, says House.
6. Celebrate each other
While being there for each other through difficult stuff is an important part of the relationship, so too is it to celebrate each other’s accomplishments. Often we barely listen when our partner shares something good with us, says Pawelski.
We can unintentionally reject it by not paying attention, perhaps going back to reading the newspaper or changing the subject. These behaviors are just as bad as directly saying something negative about our partner’s good news. So when your S.O. comes home, thrilled with the good news to share, leave your phone aside and give them the attention they deserve.
7. Stay curious about your partner
Restarting a spark or restoring the emotional health of a relationship can be as simple as caring for each other. “At the beginning of a relationship, it seems easy to be curious about our partner and focus on the positives,” Paulsky says.
However, later in the relationship, when the novelty fades, we often mistakenly think that we know everything there is to know about our partner. We stop asking questions and we fall into a rut. So by simply showing your curiosity for each other, you’ll be able to stay focused on what’s going well and what’s really wrong.
Other relationship conundrums? Here, experts answer Best Pieces of Empowering Relationship Advice for Women. And here’s the 5 Most Crucial Stages of a Relationship in order for it to serve its purpose.
Other questions asked:
How do you know when a relationship is really over?
- You’re failing to communicate.
- You’ve gone off sex.
- You’re bored
- You pick fights
- You avoid future plans
How do you get the spark back in a broken relationship?
- Try relationship coaching.
- Try something new together. Most of the time, relationships lose their spark simply because you and your partner fall into the same old pattern and routine.
- More physical touch.
- More intimacy.
- More praise and positive affirmations.
Is my relationship worth saving?
The first way to find out if your relationship is worth saving is that you are both committed to growth, individually and together. When couples ask for support, they often go through a difficult period of conflict, betrayal, or disconnection.